1 The first is Smurf Sex. This happens during the honeymoon period; you both keep doing it until you’re blue in the face.
2 The second is Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the marriage; you’ll have sex anywhere, anytime, even in the kitchen.
3 The third kind is Bedroom Sex. You’ve calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you gotta do it in the bedroom.
4 The fourth kind is Hallway Sex. This is the phase in which you pass each other in the hallway and say, “Screw you!”
5 There is also a fifth kind of sex: Courtroom Sex. This is when you get divorced and your wife screws you in front of everyone in the courtroom.